The Mess I Made
by Alidiabin
Summary: Tags to the AU scenes in 9x14. Updated with "If I Stay" where Gibbs gets a glimpse of the future.
1. Family First

**Title: **Family First**  
>Fandom: <strong>NCIS**  
>Author: <strong>Alidiabin**  
>Words: <strong>1,050**  
>Disclaimer: <strong>I own nothing**  
>WarningsSpoilers/Rating: ** Spoilers up to 9x14 | PG**  
>Parings:<strong> Tony/Kate  
><strong>Summary: <strong>Extension of the first AU scene. Tony, Kate and the kid.

_**Family First**_

"I let them break rule twelve," Gibbs replied,

"You never got your memory back after the explosion; Ziva wasn't there to jog your memory," Mike replied, "You came to Mexico for a while. Then when my Liam died, and Leyla and Amira were killed by the smugglers because they didn't pay, I fell apart."

Gibbs jaw dropped. Ari not killing Kate had caused so many repercussions.

"But," he whispered, trying to fathom all that was going on.

"Tony and Kate started sleeping together when you left. It was occasional, both of them wanted more from their lives so they settled for each other," Mike continued. "Then it all changed."

_**NCIS**_

_Kate stared at the positive pregnancy test. She groaned. She was half a decade shy of forty, much too old to be having accidental pregnancies. She had always wanted kids, but she had wanted to be married when she had them, not screwing her boss. _

"_Tony," she whispered, as he walked into her bathroom holding a box of condoms. _

"_I guess we don't need these," he replied with a smirked. _

"_What are we going to do?" Kate uttered as she looked at the test. _

"_I don't know," he told her as he sat down next to her. _

"_You don't know. Tony you can just leave and never look back. It's my life that is going to change," Kate shouted. She had few expectations of Tony, she doubted her would stick around. _

"_Our lives," Tony responded, "I'm not going to be my father, Kate. Whatever happens between us; I'll be there for the kid no matter what." _

"_You promise," Kate said her voice small. _

"_I promise," he replied, touching Kate's still flat abdomen. "Family first." _

_**NCIS**_

"So they got married?" Gibbs asked.

"Yeah, a couple of months after they found out," Mike replied.

_Kate threw up in the toilet of the Church as Abby and her sister Rachel who were her bridesmaids got ready. _

"_Kate," Abby said calling in on the sick bride. _

"_Just nerves, Abby," Kate replied as she sat up. _

"_You're as sick as I was with morning sickness," Rachel whispered as she handed her sister some water. Kate blushed and smiled awkwardly. _

"_Oh my god," Abby cried before jumping up and down. "Does Tony know?" _

"_Yes," Kate replied. _

"_I knew everything would work out in the end," Abby squealed. _

_**NCIS**_

"He was deep into a drug case, when Kate went into labour," Mike told Gibbs.

_Kate groaned as she felt another contraction. _

"_About time," Kate whispered to her swollen abdomen, it was ten days past her due date. She picked up her phone, to call Tony but got a voicemail message. So she called Abby. _

"_Where's Tony?" Kate asked skipping the small talk. She felt another contraction rip through her. _

"_McGee mentioned something about drug dealers and undercover," Abby babbled, "Why?" _

"_Because he said he wouldn't miss it," Kate cried. _

"_Are you in labour?" Abby asked, _

"He missed it," Gibbs stated, remembering how he felt when he missed Kelly's birth.

"_Get him," Kate screamed as the pain reached unbearable levels again. _

_It was all happening much faster than she expected. Her mother, her sister and many of her friends who had given birth, told her that the first birth could last anything from half a day to two full days. She had not even been at the hospital for only a few short hours, and the contractions were getting closer and closer. _

"_Timmy is trying to," Abby reassured her friend. _

"_Kate," the doctor said, "You need to push," _

"Anthony Kyle Todd DiNozzo," Mike replied, "They called him Kyle," Gibbs watched as Tony rushed into the hospital room. He watched the smile brighten his face as he held his son.

_**NCIS**_

"So they stayed together?" Gibbs asked.

Mike shook his head, sadly.

"Tony left when Kyle was six months old," Mike reported.

"_I'm sorry kid," Tony whispered as he looked at his infant son. He hated himself for leaving; for not even managing to stay married for a year. "I promise I'll be there for everything; ball games, parent-teacher evenings and we'll have a thing we do every other weekend or whenever your mom lets me see you. I'm sorry I couldn't make it work with your mom." he kissed his sleeping son and picked up his bag. _

_**NCIS**_

"Kate found her prince charming. A guy named Drew, who had sole custody of his daughter. She gave her son the family she wanted," Mike uttered. "Drew got a job on the West Coast, and Kate followed him. Tony tried his best to keep in touch with his son. He even took a demotion to work at the San Diego office."

"_I can't come," Kyle said after Tony had offered tickets to a theme park over the phone. _

"_What?" Tony asked the seven year old, "These are premium tickets," _

"_Drew's taking us Hawaii, he wants one last holiday before the new baby comes," he reported. Tony frowned. Kate had married Drew, when Kyle was two and had a baby girl a couple of years later and now it seemed she was having another one. "Eden and Lucy want another sister but mom thinks it's a boy." _

_Tony listened as his son talked about his step and half-sisters, and his new family. He pretended to be happy and told his son they'd do something else. _

"_I love you kid," Tony whispered. _

"_I love you too, Dad," Kyle replied before he hung up. _

_**NCIS**_

"Kyle was ten, when Tony died. Tony went under cover with a gang, he got in too deep. He was found out," Mike uttered.

_Tony knew he was made. He felt the bullets hit his chest. The agent that was undercover with him, rushed too his side. _

"_Tell," Tony coughed, "Kyle," he gasped as he struggled to breathe. "I-, I-, lo," Tony panted again, he needed to tell the Agent, "love- love him." _

"_I promise," the Agent said as he felt the life go out of DiNozzo. As he watched his colleague die, he did not register the shooter in the corner of the alleyway. _

"Agent Carlson died alone and without telling Kyle," Mike continued, "And Kyle never heard Tony's last words. He changed his name to Drew's last name, a year after Tony died."

**A/N**: Yeah, I didn't like Tony/Kate. The second part should be up soon.


	2. Borrowed Time

**Title: **Borrowed Time**  
>Fandom: <strong>NCIS**  
>Author: <strong>Alidiabin**  
>Words: <strong>1,402**  
>Disclaimer: <strong>I own nothing**  
>WarningsSpoilers/Rating: ** AU | Up to 9x14 | Teen**  
>Parings:<strong> background Tony/Kate, Ziva/OC  
><strong>Summary: <strong>Tag to the AU scenes where Ziva is still a Mossad officer.

_**Borrowed Time**_

"What about Ziva?" Gibbs asked, he knew her being on the team had changed her, and had often wondered if she would still be alive, if she had never joined his team. Mike sat down.

"Not my story to tell, Probie," Mike uttered. Ari moved turned from the bar to face Gibbs.

"She and Agent DiNozzo still got under each other's skin," Ari reported.

_Tony watched through the window of the Embessera swimming pool. He studied the woman who was swimming. She was an associate of Ari's. The FBI had been tracking her for weeks. Tony had followed her from a safe house, to the hotel, which she only appeared to be swimming in. He noticed the other woman, with an almost identical Star of David, walk in. The robes were switched. Tony watched the first woman leave. He watched as she walked away. He wondered why a woman like that was helping Ari. _

_Ziva felt his eyes on her. She had seen him just briefly as she walked in. She had seen her beautiful green eyes. She told herself that if she had to sleep with him in order to get Ari out of the country, it would not be such a bad thing. _

_**NCIS**_

"So you got away," Gibbs spat at Ari.

"Ziva and I met in Paris as planned," Ari reported.

"_Ziva, stop pacing!" Ari shouted as he cleaned the gun and Ziva paced the dingy safe house. _

"_What would have happened if that American agent had not have seen you," Ziva asked, "Would you have killed that woman? And then one of Agents would have killed you." _

"_Don't be silly," Ari lied. _

"_I cannot lose you too," Ziva whispered. Ari rested his hand on her shoulder. He hadn't seen her so vulnerable in years. She looked as broken and as lost as she did when Tali died. _

"_I promise you will not lose me," Ari replied. _

"_Do not make promises you cannot keep," Ziva responded, her voice barely above a whisper. _

Gibbs bit his lip. He had known Ziva was oblivious to Ari's activities. Love and the fear of losing another person had crippled her.

_**NCIS**_

"So you lived?" Gibbs asked.

Ari shook her head and chuckled.

"No my father had other plans," Ari replied.

_Eli looked at the photograph of his three children. He ran touched Tali's little face. Though it had been years since her death, it still stung. Not it appeared his son had joined the very organisation that had killed her. Ari was no longer his mole and no longer his son. He had to be eliminated. _

_Eli picked up the telephone. He dialled the number. As he did he realised what he was signing his son up for. Hamas would know he was as Mossad officer. Ari would be killed. _

_Ari was pushed against the wall. The gun was shoved into his face. He thought of Ziva as the gun was shoved into his face. He knew what was coming. He tried to fight them but lost. _

_**NCIS**_

"So what happened to her?" Gibbs asked.

"My sister did what she knew best. She was the best Mossad officer she could be. She also buried her emotions," Ari muttered.

_Ziva walked into the bar. Her hair was out her curls run down her back. The dress looked perfect on her. She caught the attention of almost of everyone in the bar. The terrorist she was supposed to be seducing wrapped his arms around her. Claiming her. _

_They went to bed as planned. She screamed as he rolled around on top of her. The terrorist smiled, thinking he was doing well; pleasuring a woman until she screamed. She was not screaming out of pleasure. She was screaming because it was the only way to let the emotions out. Her world was crumbling around her. Her siblings, her mother and too many friends were dead. She was all alone. She also so willingly took life. It did not matter that it was for the country, she so dutifully served. She had the blood of too many people on her soft hands. Her hands that would never come clean. _

_The man got off and fell asleep with a smile on his face. Ziva rolled her eyes and got up. She pulled the syringe from her bag and pushed it into the terrorist's skin. She then got dressed. She walked away without a second look. _

_**NCIS**_

"She was supposed to grab another terrorist from the same cell in America," Ari continued, "But someone got to him first, she was caught by an NCIS agent."

_Ziva stood in the American street. Something, was off she could feel it. She spied her target doing his laundry of all things. She watched him as he headed down the alleyway, it would be there that she snatched him. She motioned for the van to follow her. _

_Suddenly, a shot rang out. The terrorist fell to his knees. He was dead. Ziva had lost her target. _

"_Ma'm," a man holding a badge called, Ziva looked at him. He held an NCIS badge. "I understand you are a witness to what just happened." _

_Ziva wondered how the NCIS agents had arrived so quickly, it was then she realised, it had been their mission. The NCIS Agent moved toward her, even as she tried to walk away. _

"_Ma'm," he continued. He grabbed her shoulder trying to stop her. She punched him but he held on. So, she tried to tear him off of her. The man fell to the ground and when Ziva looked up, she was surrounded by people with guns. _

"_You're under arrest," one of them shouted. _

_**NCIS**_

"This is where it gets interesting," Mike interrupted, Ari shot him a glare.

_Tony recognized her as soon as he walked into interrogation. _

"_I remember you, Riva, Visa. No, no, no. Tiva!" he said with a smirk. _

"_Ziva. My name is Ziva David," Ziva replied. _

"_Ziva the icy Israeli. I followed you to a hotel pool once," Tony continued as he was consumed by memories. _

_He had often wondered what would have happened if he had caught her. If Ari would have been killed by Gibbs or even if Ari would have killed Gibbs, he seemed hell-bent on doing that. _

"_Clearly I made an impression. I cannot say I the same about you," she lied. She remembered him staring, she remembered him taking photographs of the bathrobes. She remembered his eyes. "I do not even know your name," _

"_Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo," he muttered. _

"_Very Special Agent," Ziva repeated her voice soft. She dragged out his name. _

"_You assaulted a federal agent," Tony muttered switching topics to why Ziva was actually at NCIS in the first place. _

"_Give me a stamp on the wrist and let me go," Ziva replied, getting up into his space and flicking her hair. It didn't matter that the NCIS Agent was married; she would still flirt with him, if it meant getting out of NCIS. _

"_Slap on the wrist" Tony answered, "And it doesn't work that way,"_

"_It does when she has diplomatic immunity," Vance said through the intercom. Tony undid her handcuffs. Her felt her breath on his skin. It had been so long since he had been so close to a woman. Kate was sleeping on the spare bed in the nursery with their son; their relationship was falling to pieces. _

"_Ciao," she whispered before walking out. Tony watched as she moved her hips. Just like the last time he had seen her, she had gotten under his skin. He fiddled with his wedding ring, ashamed at himself. _

_**NCIS**_

"When she returned to Israel Eli was not impressed," Ari continued. "He thought her to be weak and he sent her on mission to prove herself."

_Ziva sat in Salim's cell. Salim got off of her and slapped her across the face. _

"_Mossad's whore," he screamed smacking Ziva across the face and ripping her necklace. _

_He pushed her onto the ground and kicked her. Blood came from her mouth. She looked into the distance her eyes were empty and blank. _

"You and your team were not there to rescue her. She lasted just under four months. She suffered greatly. She died there all alone and was then tossed out like trash," Ari reported trying to remain calm but he could not. "Nobody mourned for her. Nobody cared."


	3. Right Reasons

**Title: **Right Reasons**  
>Fandom: <strong>NCIS**  
>Author: <strong>Alidiabin**  
>Words: <strong>1,012**  
>Disclaimer: <strong>I own nothing**  
>WarningsSpoilers/Rating: ** AU, Suicide, | 9x14 | Teen**  
>Parings:<strong> Tony/OC, some Tony/Ziva, Kate/OC.  
><strong>Summary: <strong>Tag to the second AU, what if Gibbs had never shot Pedro Hernandez.

_**Right Reasons**_

"It's done," Mike declared as he sat down at the bar, "Let it go."

"No," Gibbs cried, "I can't. I did what I thought was right,"

"Well what was right, was wrong," Mike admitted. "We all make mistakes,"

"What would have happened if Pedro Hernandez, didn't die?" Gibbs asked after he and Mike talked about McAlister.

"To him?" Mike asked desperately trying to deflect the question.

"To me?" Gibbs asked not liking that he was playing dumb.

"It's not good," Mike warned.

"Tell me," Gibbs begged. He had to know.

"If you hadn't shot him, it would have eaten you up. A man carries around his demons long enough, they start to take over," Mike told him.

_**NCIS**_

"Where's DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked as he watched Abby walk out of his basement in tears.

"After you quit; he took an Agent Afloat position and it wasn't long before he got offered a team of his own," Mike reported.

"_Morning boss," Agent Hank Baxter declared as he walked into the office of NCIS: Rota. Tony groaned, awoken by the presence of the new agent. "I see you did not go home again," _

"_I was working," Tony lied as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. _

"_You haven't been home since she left," Baxter reported. The dark haired agent fiddled with his own wedding ring. He unlike DiNozzo was still on his first marriage, but that was hanging by the thread that was their unborn child. _

"_Worry about your own marriage not mine," Tony replied angrily, "I need coffee," _

_Once Tony was gone, Hank looked at his boss's desk. A photograph of Tony and his soon-to-be second ex-wife Carla was sitting under some fast food wrappers. Hank sighed, Tony had loved Carla and her predecessor Emma very much but he was hard enough to work with let alone stay married too. In the case of Emma it was his inability to father children due to a bout of the plague and his slight obsession with an Israeli woman he had once followed into a hotel pool, which broke up their three year union. In the case of him and Carla it was his work habits and her wandering eye. _

_Hank moved back to his desk, with a heavy heart knowing that the coming day would be long and hard. _

_**NCIS**_

"DiNozzo's an insufferable bastard," Gibbs muttered.

"Sound familiar," Mike said with a smirk.

"If DiNozzo's in Spain," Gibbs asked, "Who does Kate have a baby with?"

"_Ssh," Kate whispered as she tried to settle her daughter. "Please Kelly, ssh," _

_She walked up and down the hallway of the house which was much too big, trying to settle her baby daughter. After, what felt like an eternity, the little baby finally fell into deep slumber. Kate placed the infant in her crib and slowly crept out of the room. _

_She walked back toward her bedroom, as she did; she stopped by the photographs in the hall. She ran her fingers over the photo frame of her on her wedding day. _

_She had met Martin, just six weeks after Gibbs saved her from Ari's bullet. Desperate to regain the normalcy she felt she had lost, she had gone on a blind date arranged by one of her friends. Having come so close to death, she had her priorities and her goals at the forefront of her mind, so she threw herself into the relationship with Martin, telling herself he was the one. He ticked all her boxes; he was Catholic, family minded and not too bad in bed. _

_They married after two years of dating, and set about having a family after a year of marriage. Getting the baby had been the hard part but after two cycles of fertility treatments and a miscarriage, they got their baby and that was all that mattered. _

_Kate ran her fingers over the photograph of her and very new born Kelly. Her hair was still sticking to her face. She looked exhausted but happy at the same time. So much in her life had changed; she had left NCIS to become a stay-at-home mother, which meant Martin was away more; to pay for the big house and the private Kindergarten Kelly would eventually attend. Kate could not help but smile at it all. _

_She began to walk down the hallway, she got as close as her bedroom door before crying erupted from the nursery. _

_**NCIS**_

"They knew that you had a wife and daughter that died, but you never told them their names, and they never asked," Mike reported.

"I don't believe in coincidences," Gibbs replied. "Ziver?"

"Well she still met DiNozzo in that hotel pool," Mike muttered, "In fact to get her brother out of harm's way she slept with him."

"_Hello, Very Special Agent DiNozzo," Ziva muttered as she backed Tony into a corner. Tony looked at the beautiful exotic woman. _

"_How do you know my name?" he asked as he ran his fingers through her curls. _

"_Do not speak," she told him, putting her finger to his lips. She moved her finger and Tony leaned in for a kiss. _

"What happened to Ziva?" Gibbs asked. Mike sighed.

"She signed onto Mossad knowing she probably wouldn't see thirty, and she didn't," Mike said sadly.

"How did she die?" Gibbs asked.

"She always said she would never be a captured alive," Mike replied. Gibbs' jaw dropped.

_She was made, her cover was blown. It was too late for an extraction team. She was about to made. Knowing the type of people she was dealing with she would be captured; then tortured and probably raped until she revealed what exactly a Mossad Officer was doing in Morocco. She fiddled with her Star of David necklace. She knew what she was about to do was the ultimate sin, so she took it off. She lay the necklace in front of her and put the gun to her head. _

_**NCIS**_

"You said it yourself, Jethro," Mike began, "You did what you had too."

It still did not make it anymore right.

**A/N**: Thank you for all the reviews so far.


	4. If I Stay

**Title: **If I Stay**  
>Fandom: <strong>NCIS**  
>Author: <strong>Alidiabin**  
>Words: <strong>880**  
>Disclaimer: <strong>I own nothing**  
>WarningsSpoilers/Rating: ** AU, mention of baby loss | 9x14 no further | Teen**  
>Parings:<strong> Palmer/Breena.  
><strong>Summary: <strong>Gibbs gets a glimpse of the future.

**If I Stay**

Gibbs stood in the middle of the dinner. He watched as everyone whose lives he had been a part of in a good or a bad way, did their own things.

Ari sat alone by the chess board. Vance had left the game and Ducky had walked in and won the game. The team were all smiling and laughing in their booth, except for Ziva she had seen Ari and had gotten up to meet him. Ari had gotten up too.

"Ari," she whispered as he face formed the same broken look it had when she had killed him. Tears formed in her eyes. "Sorry,"

Ari shook his head. Ziva moved toward him wanting to embrace her brother, but he walked away. He was met at the door of the diner by a teenage girl who looked very much like Ziva, who was wearing a t-shirt with a peace sign. He watched the tears swell up in Ziva's eyes. Gibbs watched as the team got up from her booth and embraced her, she let them comfort her.

_**NCIS**_

He continued to look around; he saw all the people whose lives he had changed both in a good way and a bad way. He saw Kate chat with Jenny and smiled, he had always thought they would be good friends both had the same drive and desire to show they were as good as any man. He saw the team in their booth, they were laughing and joking.

"This is what happens if you stay," Shannon approached him holding a book in her hand.

Shannon handed him the book which revealed itself to be a photo album; it did not host photos from the past but those from the future. He saw not just his future but that of the his family; Leyla becoming an American citizen, Emily Fornell graduating college, and him walking Maddie Tyler down the aisle. As he flipped the pages he saw even more happy moments; Ziva as a blushing bride, Abby with her biological brother and McGee at the book launch of a new book which was much more fictional. He also saw multiple photographs of a little boy; he wondered so many things; who was this little boy? Who his parents were? What was his name?

Gibbs opened his mouth to speak. Shannon covered his lips.

"This is Amira's high school graduation party," she told him.

"_I feel old," Abby muttered as they sat in Leyla's kitchen eating all of the food that Lelya and Ziva had spent the afternoon making. _

"_We are old," Tony replied. He surveyed the room; Breena and Palmer were sitting on the couch with both of their hands over Breena's swollen belly. _

"_You are as old as you feel," Ducky declared with a smile on his face. _

"_Let me guess," Ziva whispered, "You still feel twenty-five," _

"_Of course," Ducky responded. Ziva bent down and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He smiled and grabbed his walking stick intending to stand up. Leyla offered to help the elderly man, but he refused. _

"_The next time we do this, it'll be LJ's graduation party," McGee whispered as they all toasted to Amira graduating. _

_**NCIS**_

"Wait who is LJ?" Gibbs asked. Shannon smiled.

"You always had to know everything, didn't you Gibbs," she whispered.

"_Grandpa," a five year old boy called as he rushed down the basement steps. _

"_Why are hiding down here?" eighteen year old Amira asked as her 'cousin' rushed to his Grandpa. _

"_I asked him the same question. He has not given me an answer," Emily Fornell said from the corner of the basement. The twenty-five year old law student fiddled with her engagement ring and then smiled as LJ engulfed her in a hug. _

"_Me and grandpa do building," LJ shouted as he moved toward Gibbs latest projects. "I help with Amira's present, and we're gonna make a crib for Jimmy and Breena's baby." _

"_Why don't they just use the one from last time?" Emily asked. "It was not used." _

_Amira moved slightly. Emily had been in college when Breena and Palmer's daughter Grace was born severely premature and died, she had missed the grief that had nearly broken them. It had taken Breena and Palmer a long time to get back to where they were. Throughout the new pregnancy, the couple and the whole 'family' were on edge, every time something seemed less than right with Breena or the baby boy she was carrying, a doctor would be called and they would all do their best to hold it together. _

"_New baby means new crib," Gibbs muttered. "Maybe in a couple of years, I'll be building one for you and Daren," _

"_No," Emily responded, "Daren and I are not having kids." _

_Meanwhile LJ showed Amira her graduation present, which was a very sturdy and well-crafted bookcase for all of her text books, as she was going to be pre-med student. _

_**NCIS**_

"Who are LJ's parents and why the hell did they name a kid after me?" Gibbs asked.

"He doesn't have the same name as you," Shannon replied "just the same initials. And as for his parents you're going to have to find that out for yourself."

"Guess so," Gibbs said.

He blinked and everyone was gone.

_**A/N**_: Yeah, I did not indicate much about LJ, so you can make him the biological/adoptive/foster child of which ever pairing or main/character OC couple you like.

Also, thank you for reading and waiting. I did intend to include another chapter about Gibbs seeing people like Paula Cassidy and Chris Pacci whose lives he also cut short by decisions he made but my muse wouldn't co-operate. If anyone else has played with that idea do tell me, I'd love to read it.

Thank you again for reading.


End file.
